Communication with our kids a must.
|As parents many times we disassociate what we tell our children with the message they are receiving. I have seen first hand how a word, a sign, or even the rolling of eyes can influence the future of our children. Many times we believe that our words are just a saying; they know we donâ€™t mean it.
But, do they know that we donâ€™t mean it? Do they know that we are frustrated with the situation and not with them? Do they know that many times we feel inadequate as parents?
What do you think the effect on a little boy will be by the time he is a teen if you repeatedly tell him that he talks like a girl? I would suggest that insecurity with his own masculinity will be the result. He probably will be quiet, introverted, and ashamed of himself. Nevertheless, all that we put inside ourselves one day must come out, and what will happen when this child explodes, perhaps in a violent outburst that shatters his and othersâ€™ lives?
If you tell a little girl how dumb she is every time she is unable to do what you wantâ€”wonâ€™t that send the message that no matter what she does it will never be good enough. Wonâ€™t she grow up defeated and with no desire to do better. What forâ€”she will never be good enough. Wonâ€™t she believe that she doesnâ€™t deserve anything good and thus make the wrong choices over and over in her life?
If you tell a child that he is stupid every time you donâ€™t know what else to say, wonâ€™t that make him act like that for the rest of his life. Why graduate from high school, let alone college, after all he is stupid. What will the future of that child be, without an education?
Many of these words and others that are just as bad, are said every day to children in our own homes. Thus, they become what we repeatedly tell them they are. The demeaning words will never obtain the results we want from the child but it will damage him much more than a slap on his bottom. They cut to the soul and, once there, their venom festers for the rest of his life.
With words like these, we condition the children to not believe in themselves and expose them to more dangers that may destroy them completely. These children become receptive to drugs, gangs, and sex before they are old enough to know what those words mean.
Why, you may ask? Because they need nurturing, love, warmth and acceptance in their lives and if we do the opposite with our messages to them, they will look for them in places that you and I would never dare go.
We all need acceptance, just the way we areâ€”no betterâ€”no less. We all need unconditional loveâ€”no matter how we talk, look, or behave. We all need nurturing from day one. Some attention to know that someone cares: Rules to make me feel safe with you. Encouragement when things donâ€™t go right. Clean clothes to make me feel good about myself.
A simple word said in anger, fear or ignorance can bury our childrenâ€™s opportunities for their future. Words have that much power and we need to use them wisely. Our children have enough enemies in this world; they need us at their side, not against them. Praise, encourage, accept, and give unconditional love. That is the keyâ€”letâ€™s learn how to use it right.
Tags: aggressive behavior, ashamed of self, demeaning word, domestic violence, drugs, family, gang, inadequate parent, insecurity, introvert, kids, masculinity, parents, sex