Posts Tagged ‘anger’

Is it possible to survive the loss of a child?

Sunday, August 13th, 2017
After the Flowers Die: A Handbook of Heartache, Hope and Healing After Losing a child by Author Melanie Delorme
“Is it possible to survive the loss of a child?

 

Even though you might be feeling that the answer to this question is no, never, absolutely not; be assured that not only is it possible for you to survive, but you are also strong enough to thrive after this devastating tragedy.
The loss of a child creates a gaping hole in a parent’s heart that seems unbearable and the only people who truly understand your pain are other bereaved parents. Melanie is one of those parents and, in After the Flowers Die, she offers encouragement, hope and honest suggestions for how you can once again experience joy. 
This book is written in an easy to read A to Z format and covers topics that many parents may experience, such as anger, bitterness, birthdays, Christmas, hope, signs, and more. If you have lost a child and are feeling hurt and lost, this book is a great starting point for you to acknowledge your loss, celebrate your child’s life and find hope.
Are you ready to begin your journey towards healing?”

 

 

~ Amazon ~ Amazon UK ~ 

~ Amazon Canada ~ Amazon Australia ~

 
 

Melanie Delorme was a content English teacher, wife, mother, sister and
friend when without warning she gained the title of bereaved parent when her
eight-year-old son Garrett was accidentally killed in a hunting accident. Her
road to healing brought her to write her first book. Melanie is involved with
her local chapter of Compassionate Friends and is passionate about offering
hope to other bereaved parents. She is currently living on a ranch in Southern
Saskatchewan with her husband, Gerry, and their two children. 




Connect with the Author here: 

~ Website ~

Excerpt

Acceptance•Addictiong ‘Anger•Annivergary•

ACCEPTANCE

I know what you might be thinking. What?! Accept this?! How dare you even suggest that Ijust accept the death of my child! Before you get angry, hear me out.

I know this is not how life is supposed to work—children should never die before their parents. My grandmother is 95 years old, and she and I had this conversation when Garrett died at age 8 and again when her son, my uncle, died at 58.

When grief experts discuss the stages of grief, acceptance often comes last. I’d like to propose that it should be first, middle, and last. The acceptance of your child’s death allows you to move through the other stages. It allows you to take ownership of your feelings and move towards healing.

It seems fitting that acceptance begins this alphabetized glossary, for without acceptance there can be no healing, no remembering, and no moving forward.

Acceptance does not mean you are over it, nor does it mean that you know how you will live with it, and it certainly does not mean that you will forget your child.

Acceptance means that, as heartbreaking as it is, you know that you cannot bring your child back. However, you will continue to search for ways to keep your child alive through positive actions and celebrations.

Acceptance is the conscious choice of realizing that your relationship with your child has not ended; it has merely changed. It has changed from physically spending time together to mentally, emotionally, and spiritually spending the rest of your life on earth together.

You will likely accept your child’s death with your head far sooner than you accept it with your heart, and that’s okay. I know my head accepted Garrett’s death a long time ago, but a few months back while setting the table for supper, I absentmindedly took five plates out of the cupboard. My heart needed a gentle reminder of our loss because it obviously wasn’t so sure about this acceptance thing.

Your heart may need some gentle reminders too. Be kind and patient with yourself as you search for this place of acceptance.

ADDICTIONS

No one sets a goal to become an addict. So often, addictions begin innocently but then slowly turn into habits that become uncontrollable.

I am not a medical professional, so perhaps I am not qualified to speak about addiction, though I am still going to offer my opinion. It has been my experience that many

addicts are trying to escape undesirable feelings. These feelings may be stress, anger, grief, or loneliness. It appears that it is not necessarily the substance or the behavior that is addictive, but more the ability to escape.

The idea that something could take away your unwanted emotions—albeit temporarily—is very tempting. Certain addictions allow us to detach from our emotions and feel carefree—briefly. Unfortunately, when the effects of the addiction wear off, our emotional pain returns, often worse than it was before.

Be mindful of your alcohol consumption, legal or illegal drug use, eating, exercising, gambling, and internet usage. If any of your behaviors start to make you feel out of control, you may want to consider seeking professional help.

ANGER

Perhaps you think that anger should be higher on the list than acceptance. Perhaps you have seen the supposed stages of grief somewhere, and you already know that anger is one of them. Possibly that is the stage you are in at this minute.

I remember seeing other parents ignore their children because they were on their phones, and I was so angry that I wanted to scream at them, How dare you not appreciate the life ofyour child. But then I remembered that I had not been a perfect parent either.

There were other times that I wanted to scream at my friends, Hello?! Have youforgotten me? How dare you get back to your normal life like nothing has changedfor you? But the reality was, nothing did change for many of them. It didn’t mean that they weren’t still thinking about me, and it didn’t mean that they would not offer support if I asked.

*See also FRIENDS

Anger is such a dangerous emotion to embrace, and even though it does not rear its head without cause, too often we forget that we have the power to control it. Every time I wanted to scream at someone, it was warranted—in my mind. However, what would it have gained me? Would it have made me feel better? Maybe for a minute. But unless it brought my son back, it would not have made me truly happy, and to be the source of another person’s hurt was not going to make me feel better.

I know a mother whose child was Idned by a reckless driver who failed to stop at a stop sign. This mother spent three years living in a state of rage. She attended every court hearing the driver faced, insisting that he be jailed for life. She wrote letters to her government officials demanding that he never receive bail, and she spoke of nothing else. The courts deemed this particular accident to be just that—an accident, and the man spent no time in jail. We can all understand her outrage, but having that man spend the rest of his life in jail was not going to take away her agony; it was not going to bring her daughter back. Furthermore, that man was also going to spend the rest of his life hurting and coping with his guilt.

Anger becomes dangerous when we choose to take this emotion with us on our daily journey. The bottom line is this: the more time you spend angry, the less time you will spend grieving and the further away it will take you from your memories and the further away you will be from acceptance.

So why isn’t anger higher on the list than acceptance? Well obviously, because my book would no longer be alphabetical. But seriously, accept that you may be angry. Allow yourself to be angry—temporarily. It will be the acceptance of your anger that will allow you to deal with it in a healthy or even practical manner. Consider taking some action to alleviate your anger. Throw something. Punch something. Scream in your car. Cry in your bedroom. Perhaps one of these will make you feel better, or perhaps you need a bigger outlet for your anger.

Have you ever heard of Candy Lightner? She was so outraged when her daughter, Cari, was killed by a drunk driver in 1980 that she organized Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD). I It doesn’t get much more practical than that! I’m not saying you need to become the founder of a new organization, but perhaps you can join an existing one or simply share your anger with others who have had similar experiences.

*See also SUPPORT GROUPS

I know it is difficult to hear and even more difficult to accomplish, but for your own wellbeing, you need to let go of anger as quickly as you can.

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

—Buddha2

 

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Is it possible to survive the loss of a child?

Wednesday, July 12th, 2017

Melanie Delorme was a content English teacher, wife, mother, sister and friend when without warning she gained the title of bereaved parent when her eight-year-old son Garrett was accidentally killed in a hunting accident. Her road to healing brought her to write her first book. Melanie is involved with
her local chapter of Compassionate Friends and is passionate about offering hope to other bereaved parents. She is currently living on a ranch in Southern Saskatchewan with her husband, Gerry, and their two children. 




Connect with the Author here: 

~ Website ~

After the Flowers Die: A Handbook of Heartache, Hope and Healing After Losing a child by Author Melanie Delorme
“Is it possible to survive the loss of a child?

 

Even though
you might be feeling that the answer to this question is no, never, absolutely not; be assured that not only is it possible for you to survive, but you are also strong enough to thrive after this devastating tragedy.
The loss of a child creates a gaping hole in a parent’s heart that seems unbearable and the
only people who truly understand your pain are other bereaved parents. Melanie
is one of those parents and, in After the Flowers Die, she offers encouragement, hope and honest suggestions for how you can once again experience joy. 
This book is written in an easy to read A to Z format and covers topics that many parents
may experience, such as anger, bitterness, birthdays, Christmas, hope, signs,
and more. If you have lost a child and are feeling hurt and lost, this book is
a great starting point for you to acknowledge your loss, celebrate your child’s
life and find hope.
Are you ready to begin your journey towards healing?”

 

 

~ Amazon ~ Amazon UK ~ 
~ Amazon Canada ~ Amazon Australia ~
Snippet:
Anger is such a dangerous emotion to embrace, and even though it does not rear its head without cause, too often we forget that we have the power to control it.
Every time I wanted to scream at someone, it was warranted—in my mind. However, what would it have gained me? Would it have made me feel better? Maybe for a minute. But unless it brought my son back, it would not have made me truly happy, and to be the source of another person’s hurt was not going to make me feel better.
I know a mother whose child was Idned by a reckless driver
who failed to stop at a stop sign. This mother spent three years living in a
state of rage. She attended every court hearing the driver faced, insisting
that he be jailed for life. She wrote letters to her government officials
demanding that he never receive bail, and she spoke of nothing else. The courts
deemed this particular accident to be just that—an accident, and the man spent
no time in jail. We can all understand her outrage, but having that man spend
the rest of his life in jail was not going to take away her agony; it was not
going to bring her daughter back. Furthermore, that man was also going to spend
the rest of his life hurting and coping with his guilt.
Anger becomes dangerous when we choose to take this emotion
with us on our daily journey. The bottom line is this: the more time you spend
angry, the less time you will spend grieving and the further away it will take
you from your memories and the further away you will be from acceptance.
So why isn’t anger higher on the list than acceptance? Well obviously, because my book would no longer be alphabetical. But seriously, accept that you may be angry. Allow yourself to be angry—temporarily. It will be the acceptance of your anger that will allow you to deal with it in a healthy or even practical manner. Consider taking some action to alleviate your anger. Throw something. Punch something. Scream in your car. Cry in your bedroom. Perhaps one of these will make you feel better, or perhaps you need a bigger outlet for your anger.
 Have you ever heard of Candy Lightner? She was so outraged when her daughter, Cari, was killed by a drunk driver in 1980 that
she organized Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD). I It doesn’t get
much more practical than that! I’m not saying you need to become the founder of
a new organization, but perhaps you can join an existing one or simply share
your anger with others who have had similar experiences.
 
To view our blog schedule and follow along with this tour visit our Official Event page 

 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Hosted By

 

A journey across the ominous dark blue Atlantic Ocean can change you…

Monday, August 24th, 2015

“Joni, Underway” by Kelly Oram and her talented husband Jonathan Harrow

Welcome guys: How long have you been writing?

Jonathan: Kelly and I have both been writing for as long as we can remember, which is probably the answer every writer will give, lol. As far as writing seriously, with a career in mind, that began 14 years ago when we got married and moved to LA. I began writing screenplays for feature films, and Kelly started transitioning from fan fiction to original characters. Once she wrote “Being Jamie Baker” we knew she was ready to start publishing her work. I had a little success with screenplays, but after seeing how much more creative control Kelly had as a novelist, I switched over to books.

Good for you. Tell us where you were born and where do you live now.

Jonathan: I was born in Provo, Utah, but raised in northern California, outside of Sacramento. Kelly was born in Mesa, Arizona, but raised in several other cities, including Denver and Detroit. We met in the San Francisco bay area of California and now live in a suburb of Phoenix, AZ.

How do you know the idea is good enough to write a book about it?

Jonathan: This is a great question, and one that I’ve not really thought about before. The thing is, (more…)

Joni, Underway: all about loss, guilt, anger and a family trying to “fix you” have you been there before?

Sunday, August 23rd, 2015

 

We are so excited to feature this Brand new book from Best Selling Author Kelly Oram and her talented husband Jonathan Harrow!
 

Kelly Oram wrote her first novel at age fifteen–a  fan fiction about her favorite music group, The Backstreet Boys, for which her family and friends still tease her. She’s obsessed with reading, talks way too much, and likes to eat frosting by the spoonful.

Jonathan Harrow left a career in Hollywood to pursue his dream of writing novels. He has an author crush on Charlotte Bronte, and a real crush on his author wife, YA bestseller Kelly Oram.They live in Phoenix with their four kids and their cat, Mr. Darcy.

Connect with Kelly
Connect with Jonathan       

 

Nineteen year old Joni is loving life as an adult—living on her own, dealing with grown-up things like jobs, hook-ups, and doing her own laundry. Best of all: after finishing her first year at ASU, she will never again be called a freshman.
But when her brother is suddenly killed in a car accident, Joni’s adult life is turned upside down. Struggling to cope with loss, guilt, and anger—not to mention the meddling of friends and family trying to “fix” her—Joni is relieved to be presented with an escape in the form of a sailing trip her brother had been planning for months before he died.

(more…)

Being West is Best by Monique Bucheger, Illustrated by Mikey Stephenson

Friday, August 15th, 2014

Being West is Best: A Ginnie West Adventure (Volume 4) by Monique Bucheger

Back Cover Blurb:

BEING COVER

Twelve-year-old BFFs, Ginnie West and Tillie Taylor, are matchmaking geniuses. Together, they maneuvered Ginnie’s widower-dad into proposing to Tillie’s divorcee-mom. Sweet! Certain they are well on their way to sisterhood, each girl is floored when Tillie’s lousy-excuse-for-a-father puts in an appearance after a six year absence. Too bad (more…)